Me: We haven't had any women on the show for a couple of days, so tonight's show will be about modern women and their problems. My first guest is a politician. Always happy to see more women represented in our government. Here she is, Senator Sharon Sanderson!
(Enter Sanderson, squeaky clean as a young flight attendant. I get up to greet her with a warm hug. We take our seats.)
Me: Thank you for being on the show.
Sanderson: Not at all. I'm pleased to gain support for my initiatives.
Me: Good. Do you think they suffer for addressing women's needs?
Sanderson: Oh yes. Definitely.
Me: How?
Sanderson: One example is the opposition I face with the new law I'm trying to pass, Bill C-95, that would introduce harsher penalties for ogling women in public.
Me: Why don't they support that? No one likes those oglers.
Sanderson: Sheer discrimination. Men have the majority and it's not their problem.
Me: Male relatives are affected.
Sanderson: Not directly. That's why I want to make eye contact with a woman illegal for a man in public places -
Me: Any woman?
Sanderson: - unless he's on familiar terms with her.
Me: Any eye contact?
Sanderson: If you don't know her, you'd not be allowed to look at her.
Me: Isn't that a little radical? And what would the punishment be for breaking this law?
Sanderson: Death.
Me: Are you mad? How did you last in politics?
Sanderson: (tensely) The usual way, I slept with a House Leader.
Me: (to the camera) Honest to a fault. Let's hear it again for Senator Sharon Sanderson everyone!
(Applause. Commercial.)
Me: The second of my fair visitors is a young lady who has recently passed her basic training as a naval aviator. Let's hear it for Lieutenant Helen Strang!
(Enter Strang in dress uniform. I greet her with a playful salute. We smile and hug, then seat ourselves.)
Me: You don't look Chinese.
Strang: No, it's short for the English word 'strangle'.
Me: (backing out) You must be fit. That's some basic training program you have. Even the men find it hard. Why did you choose such a challenging occupation?
Strang: Several reasons. I needed to prove that a woman can stand up to any challenge that a man can.
Me: Commendable.
Strang: I wanted to train my body for self defence.
Me: It doesn't hurt.
Strang: And as a pilot I am capable of adding to the number of women in the space program.
Me: All for it - especially if they look like Barbarella from that movie!
Strang: But the most important one is personal. I feel that it sets me apart from other women.
Me: What's that?
Strang: (gleefully) These outfits are so in!
(Commercial.)
Me: Rounding off the guest portion of tonight's show is a professional woman who experienced sexual harassment on the job. I think this is a problem that needs to be talked about, folks. And now, Miss Hannah Francis!
(Enter the sensibly dressed Francis. I get up to greet her with a hug and we share a few inaudible words before we take our seats.)
Me: This is a continuing problem in the workplace, I hear.
Francis: It certainly is.
Me: And the offender in your case was your boss?
Francis: Yes.
Me: (looking down at notes) It says here you had to pose as his girlfriend at a party and then he insulted you in his car as he was driving you home. That's no big deal.
Francis: No, he a- ssaulted me.
Me: Oh! Sorry. (awkward silence) Did you do something to him?
Francis: No! He just thought that since he was paying me, he could do whatever he wanted with me.
Me: Hmph! Imagine taking such liberties! How long did you work for him?
Francis: About two hours.
Me: Is that all? What was your job?
Francis: I was his escort.
--------------------------------------------
Commercial: Gas-in-a-Stick Man Repellant
(Tracy and Allison, parked in their desks, answer phone calls in the reception room.)
Tracy: Mister Peters? Yes, I'll put you right through. Just a minute. Oh dear.
Allison: What's the matter?
Tracy: (softly losing control) I cut him off. Oh God. Why? That's the second time I've done that this week! I think I'm going to cry! (She succumbs to gentle sobs. Allison gets up and goes over to comfort her.)
Allison: I'm worried about you, Tracy. You've been very emotional lately. Are you hiding something?
Tracy: (through her tears, pointing to a nearby office door.) It's Mister Peters! He's been harassing me again!
Allison: Well that's what mace is for, honey.
Tracy: But what if I miss?
Allison: Then here, try this. (She pulls a miniature deodorant stick out of her purse and gives it to Tracy.)
Tracy: (reading its label) Gas-in-a-Stick man repellant.
Allison: It packs the same punch as nerve gas and acts automatically whenever an unwelcome man comes within range. But you won't smell a thing!
(The door opens behind them and Peters steps out.)
Allison: You'll see it in action now.
Peters: Excuse me, do you have the - Uh! (He falls to the floor, clutching his throat, eyes bulging.)
Allison: See? (Tracy is missing.) Tracy? Where did you go?
(The camera pans out to show Tracy on the floor, choking and writhing.)
Announcer: Gas-in-a-Stick man repellant. If you're not wearing it, someone else is.
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